#2 Patch Chudkins

Patch Chudkins. Believe it or not a force to be reckoned with in the mid-Eighties far-right folk scene.

The Early Days
This band of misfit troubadours grew up in cosmopolitan Whitehaven, itself famed for the 1778 attack on it's harbour by Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones. It was against a backdrop of apparent civil unrest and fear of the way of life changing in 'The 'haven' that the group were formed.

Born to a family of travelling minstrels brother and sister, Guthrie and Ruth Arichibold at last found a home when their parents settled down in the 'haven. Rumour has it that Ruth was actually the secret love child of Anthony Eden and that the family moved to the town and settled down on the back of a sizeable pay-off from the Eden estate. Although, this is now thought to be largely unfounded.

Between the ages of 6 and 12 the pair would entertain family, friends and well-wishers at Christmas. Regaling them with musical tales of life in the 'haven. By the age of 12 they were performing outside J Sainsbury on a Saturday morning under the name 'The Children of the Seig Heil Sputnick'. Guthrie's distinctive and haunting falsetto wail would accompany Ruth's unusual one handed bellow technique on the accordion.

Ezekial - Saviour, Strummer, Facist
It wasn't until their fortuitous meeting with Ezekial M Haberdasher in 1972 that the duo became a trio. He was a local musician looking for an edge to his guitar-based funkery and 'The Children of the Seig Heil Sputnick' provided that outlet. He quickly pushed for a name change that reflected their pastoral musicianship, one which would let their politics do the talking and would lend itself to an extensive range of toys . Thus Patch Chudkins was born.

Influences
The group were influenced by far-right politicians such as Italo Balbo, Fumimaro Konoe and amazingly later on the writings of popular Eighties heart-throb, Tom Selleck. (Interestingly Selleck would later become an honorary, and sole member of the Patch Chudkins mailing list).

With the song writing power house of Haberdasher behind them, the Chudkins soon shot to local fame with hit after relentless hit from 1989's 'Get the Folk Out of Here' and 1990's 'Neil Kinnock Wants to Eat Your Babies'. The former was an anti-immigrant rant purely based around the chords C, D and B#7. The latter was an experimental album which fused latino rhythms with funky house stylings.

The Wilderness Years
By 1978 the Chudkins were one of Whitehaven's greatest exports, second only to George Washington's Grandmother. But it wasn't long before the egos threatened to ruin the relatively strong band dynamic. By this stage Haberdasher was suffering from acute psychosis brought on by a heady mix of Pints of Mild laced with horse tranquiliser. As the band toured the small establishments of North-East England Haberdasher regularly demanded centre stage and larger and larger cuts of the profits. During one rather lurid night he demanded a rider of 6 bails of hay, 7 sheep, the Ark Covenant and David Bowie's moustache (below). The other Chudkins, and even some Chudders (Patch Chudkins fans) were calling for Habidasher to leave.

(David Bowie's Moustache)

Two days after making the above demands Haberdasher was dead.

Death of the Habidasher
Rumour of Haberdasher's death swept through Whitehaven like a lit mongrel dog with a broom tied to it's tail. His body was found on a bench in Carlisle high street. His head was found eleven days later in an empty horse box at the Burghley Horse Trials. Two of Guthrie's beard hairs were found on the body. Police raided his house at 6am on 31 March 1991 and after 6 weeks in custody Guthrie admitted all charges. Ruth vowed to fight tirelessly for her brother's release through the medium of music.

Opportunity soon knocked.

The Brit-Pop Revival
It wasn't until the emergence of Brit-Pop onto the UK scene in the early to mid nineties that Patch (aka Ruth Archibold) found it's feet again. It was suggested to her by her incarcerated brother that she re-work some classics of the day. She went into the studio on the first of March 1998 and didn't emerge for 2 months. Whereupon she had recorded 7 distinct albums, the majority of which were song-for-song covers of what were seen at the time as modern day classics. The first of these was 'Oswald Mosley Shoals' but this release was quickly followed by 'In It For The Genocide' and 'Different Class, Different Race'. Bizarely Chudkins had found their most commercial success as a solo act, the albums selling in Woolworths stores from Barrow-in-Furness to Brampton.

Chudkins Today
At the time of writing (19 March 2009) Guthrie remains behind bars and Ruth is rumoured to be releasing the Chudkin's 120th studio album later this year, to coincide with the 10th year of her brother's imprisonment and the 40th anniversary of the first back in 1969. A live DVD 'Chudkins - Folking Live' is expected in the Autumn.