Eanus Horribilis (b. Eanus Henry Chalfont, 1954) was a one-man punk outfit known for the leftward turn taken in his music in 1977. His case shows the inaccuracies of the current model we have for reporting on gigs and to a wider extent blows the myth that one man cannot step out of his time and make a short-lived, pointless difference to practically no lives at all.
Horribilis started making music in his native The Wirral in the mid seventies. Like many young public-school educated toffs, he was looking to make a difference through the raw power of basic chords and impressively poor lyrics. He wrote songs like "Ear Nose and Throat - tertainment" and "The Power of Pussywillow": instantly forgettable, pathetically dire, sub-par pub rock. His first album Duet Mon Droit, sold poorly and was listened to infrequently. This was a time before really sucking became cool. Punk was still an aspirational artform that saluted successful failures. Horribilus was a failure in any argot.
Then came his moment. He would -by a turn of evens later described as "complete chuffing mix-up"- catch the most inspirational gig of his life, in Manchester, June 1976.
His good friend and sometime labelmate Savage Sam (unaware of the Disney copyright at the time) spoke to him in quietened tones about the upcoming gig at the Free Trade Hall. Horribilus had as a child suffered from otitis media and this required grommets to be installed on both ears. He was left a little hard of hearing on his telephone-answering and cigarette-disappearing side. Not really hearing conversations became an artform for Horribilus and in a peninsula with only one good gig venue you can't go much wrong. Manchester however, has more than one place to catch an up and coming pop quartet...
The Sax Pastels played 3 gigs in their short, heavily moonshine-altered existence as a band. Only one person ever turned up to one of their gigs, but the resonance of that speaks to this day. Their tango-woven jazz-pop melodies fused the commercial prog of Dwarfclimber with the Latin-beat of the Funky Chicken. Horribilus, there by mistake and mesmerised with the textural rhythms and large cigars, was hooked. He was the only person to hear their music and he already had a band.
Running the 53 miles back to his mams after the gig, Horribilus had realised the errors of his ways. Others may see punk as a convenient shorthand for "I want to get punking laid", but Horribilus would no more. He set about melding the early world music he had just encountered with a 3 chord, shifting time signature melody-ladened dirge. His songs sometimes required 30 strong lads to play the glockenspiel whilst Horribilus pogo'd and shifted between Em5 and Am5. This was modern guitar music.
His first album since this revitalisation "[insert Latin gag here]" earned him no new fans, but respect and flowers poured in form around the globe. His friends started calling him again and although he couldn't really hear what they were saying, he was glad to think that the phone was ringing.
A classic Eanus Horribilus track would start with our hero playing out-takes and soundbites from the track before, mixing them together to form a beat, whereupon the 160-piece orchestra he had hired would sway into the melody. Horribilus would join with his guitar, picking out the barre chords that best went with what the orchestra were playing. Eventually, some Hula singers would take the melody off him and pass it around themselves, following the 'two drags and pass it on' rule. It was mind bending stuff.
Eventually, Eanus could no longer afford to pay the orchestra on his modest salary as a middle manager at Woolworth's in Greasby. Plus his mam got sick of cooking for a full woodwind section who then just pushed the food around the plate. His orchestra petered away and he was left with just him a flautist called Barmy Jane. Seeing the look in her eyes as she lightly positioned a finger over her embouchure hole, Horribilus realised he had gained something more than a friend who can hit C7. Music seemed to matter less and less to him.
Jane and Eanus were married on 5 March 1982. Their love produced three healthy children, none of whom suffered from any kind of middle-ear infection at all. Eanus passed away peacefully in his sleep in April 2005, following a long battle with dutch elm disease. He was regional sales manager.
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