#21 The Tendency Movement

Bad buskers bumbling through blithely; there was little to be said for the unassuming acoustic rockers Mark Umbers and Matthew Flynn. That was until one rainy Saturday, when they set their pitch up Barrack Way, Coventry and were never the same again.

Opening their soft gig bags and placing a small amount of change inside to act as a hint, they adopted the position you would adapt if you were to start to play a chord. Immediately a small group of polite people wearing lovely red badges approached them. One member of the group, older and more stressed looking than the rest explained that this was their spot, that they spend every Saturday here and that they had already erected their plastering table. This raggedy bunch of activists were not going to move and Umbers and Flynn decided to go somewhere else rather than be blasted by the "warning siren" mode on their adversary's megaphone . They were thanked and what appeared to be a newspaper was thrust into Flynn's open hand.

The next week, as the Unwaged Workers Party unloaded their leaflets on avoiding unnecessary paper waste, Umbers and Flynn returned. The group gathered, expecting another showdown. Umbers and Flynn however explained that they had taken the paper away, read every single word (including the Sport and TV Reviews (Crimewatch, 0/5 stars, no understanding of who the "Real Crooks" are)) and come to the conclusion that they had to join The Party. Quizzed on their motivation by Hugo Hands, they explained in length that The Party was referred to with capitals because it was a proper noun and that there was no apostrophe as The Party was for the workers and not owned by the workers. Accepted as equals they were told to get on with asking people to sign a petition calling on Lemon Harvesters to strike over the irresponsibly named Market for Lemons theory.

Weeks of struggle and invective followed, with Umbers being able to take to the microphone to explain to the passing shoppers that "Parliament was built on a dung-heap, and the best thing it can do is sink into it". Flynn managed to convince many of his passing friends to sign a petition supporting the Fifth Durutti Column in their efforts to liberate the people of Basingstoke from eating lunch at their desks. The local Party leader's noticed the pair's ability to mobilise their apparently huge group of friends and asked them if there was anyway they could think of to activate this into full-on support.

Umbers and Flynn pretended to think hard about this and the next week they suggested a gig where they could play. The Tendency Movement was born in Coventry's Motor Hall, compered by the legendary Motor "Mouth" Al. The firebrand new socialists played their hit-strewn set to their baying friends and comrades. Hits such as "On the edge of the Cliff", "Yigael remember you when you're gone" and "We'd all like to forget the idea of a permanent war economy." Not since the Salvation Army's own Joystrings did an ideological movement have such a cogent and well thought through pop band at it's side. Releasing they had to capitalise on this lucky fate, Hugo and the other leaders offered The Tendency movement whatever they wanted.

The Tendency Movement wanted the spot on Barrack Way.

Realising that they had been duped (but that the band had somehow subsumed their ideas into the music) the leadership committee appealed to the central command structure, known informally as The Core. As any member of the UWP party can tell you democracy is held in the highest order in The Party. In the Core election, each local group elects a delegate to the conference, who vote on a list of 10 representatives for the future Core chosen by the 10 members of the current Core. The delegates can either choose to elect this group or be thrown out of the Party. Like Winston Churchill said: "Democracy is the worst idea, until you consider that I'm a raving lunatic who should never have been elected in 1951."

However, the local leadership had not counted on the sneakiness of the Movement, who had promised Core member Patch Snatch the drummer's stool if he backed them. Snatch managed to grab the initiative and convince The Core that the complaining rank and file members should be purged.

On getting his letter Hugo let a little tear fall down his face. Loyal to the last, he even appreciated not being able to appeal.

The Tendency Movement played on, securing a larger and larger fanbase and recording hits as diverse as "I disagrees with John Rees" and "Oi! Kinnock, give us back our raise!"